Six years and counting

These anniversaries sneak up on me. Today marks six years since I started writing this blog about Mom. And later this year, assuming Mom is still with us – and there is no reason to assume otherwise – we will hit the 10-year mark since her diagnosis. These numbers seem staggering to me, and yet I know of many people whose loved ones had or have had Alzheimer’s for just as long, or even much longer. It is just such a long time to live a very compromised life. The only bright spot is that Mom has no idea how compromised it is – at least as far as any of us can know.

I saw her last week after a quarterly care conference. I had a miserable cold, so I didn’t want to spend much time with her and I tried not to touch her. She looked completely healed from her fall before Christmas. She was her usual pleasant self, sitting alone at a table. I was surprised to find that I could convince her to look at the camera and smile.

There is still a hint of a bruise on her cheek. But she looks so much better.

There is still a hint of a bruise on her cheek. But she looks so much better.

I met three new people at the care conference, which is rare: a new social worker, program area nurse manager and dietary director. They were all very kind and the nurse manager told me I could call him anytime if I had a concern about Mom. I like the staff quite a bit, but that was a first and I appreciated it. Mom was on Tylenol as needed after her fall, but all signs were that she had completely recovered. The activities director feeds Mom sometimes, and she said that Mom has lost the ability to reach for the food in front of her and feed herself. Once something is in her hand, she can get it to her mouth. So that is definitely a decline. I had always planned to visit more frequently when Mom needed to be fed, to take some pressure off of staff. So it’s time for me to think about working a routine of some kind into my schedule. I’m both surprised to find myself at this point and also bewildered that it took so long to get here.

Mom is also napping quite frequently, according to the activities director. Another change, though she has been more and more sedentary as time has passed. It doesn’t bother me to know she sleeps a lot. Frankly, I think it’s better than just sitting alone, not doing anything, which she also does with some frequency. Though that’s just a judgment on my part, that sitting quietly alone is somehow sad or a problem. It’s part of the stigma of a nursing home, I guess, to think that residents are lonely. But in Mom’s case, there has just been a gradual decline in social activity and increasing withdrawal. And I am guessing that it’s fine with her.


3 comments so far

  1. Laura on

    What a nice photo!

  2. dementedgirl on

    Yes, it’s coming up to our “five years” – since realisation of dementia at least; it took a bit longer for her to get a diagnosis as she kept acing the memory tests…

    I don’t know how we can do another five…

  3. momsbrain on

    Dementedgirl, I’m sorry I haven’t responded before now. I know the prospect of prolonged care and illness is daunting. I think I need a dose of your poetry!

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